Read all the stories up to page 12 and knew my story and I would be safe here on the Internet, since other people have experienced the same thing.
However, before I post mine, I would like to say that I feel amazed that so many nice people can get $%^&ed over, and hope life works out for you in the most perfect way you want it to.
Edit: Just edited the start part as it was very unclear about how old I am, 15, and how old I was when the story started, 10.
I WAS 10 (TEN) years old, it's the second day after the first half term of the year. A new girl joins my class and I notice her straight away, which is strange because I'm a later developer, and she was the first girl I ever felt like that for, purely in an aesthetic way. She’s beautiful in a way that I couldn’t imagine. Her hair shimmers in the light, her eyes are vibrant and her face is the most perfect shape. (Obviously, she had no ‘goods’ she was 10, also.)
Skip to after Christmas Holidays:
I’ve decided I love her, I’m now 11 and the classroom has a new seating plan. I’m now almost opposite her, only one to the right. I gradually make a few moves, try and catch her eye in the way a naïve 11 year old does, by saying jokes that came probably from Penguin wrappers. She fakes laughing and I felt a ‘Click’. We start to hang out, she also makes friends who are daughters of my mother’s friends – big bonus since my mother would approve of her.
I stop playing with my friends and hang around with her. We pretend to be in the army, we do Hawaiian style dancing and we play hopscotch.
Zoom past two years
In this time we’ve matured and know we both love each other. She’s asked me out many times, but me being shy said no every time. I %^&*ing hate myself for this, and regret it every day. She met my mother through a school trip and my mum thinks she’s a wonderful, polite, funny, clever... perfect girl.
My mum’s met a new person (My father died when I was 5 of leukaemia. This also distresses me, as I don’t want my kids to only grow up with a maximum of one grandfather. Sounds silly but it does concern me, deeply.) and he’s disabled. He’s a drunk, ex-teacher, disabled, diabetic who is an utter £$%^ing $%^&. He asks us if we mind him being with my mother and I say no, for the sake of my mother’s happiness.
He comes down a few times, does things that make me hate him more. (My brother and I argue, I slam a door, the $%^&er comes up, drunk, yelling abuse at me is the one that I remember most vividly.)
Eventually, he asks us to move 120miles from Hertfordshire to the Isle of Wight. I’ve moved before, nothing new here. I’ll still see her when I visit relatives.
After the move:
I go up to my old town to see relatives, and I see her once, out of 2.5 years of going up every 6 weeks or so. (Around 8 times a year, so around 20 visits.)
We get along perfectly there. We laugh, play games (We’re 13 at the time. Nothing sexual happened.) and just have a hell of a good time. When I had to leave, I (This sounds stupid looking at it in hindsight.) shake hands with everyone, and then shake hers last. She doesn’t let go, I panic and yank my hand out. She blushes, and hastily makes an excuse to leave. After she’s gone, her friend who was also there says she want to hug me. I died inside. I’d never hugged a girl before and I also wanted to hug her before I hugged any other girl (I also made a vow for her to be my first... ‘HUMPH, HUMPH, HUMPH, Ahh’).
I’ve not seen her since then, which was a little under two years ago. The little email contact I had with her finished after she switched from AOL to something else and her email vanished. I also lost my old phone charger and SIM-Card (Although I did copy them onto my new one, but after a couple of texts with no replies, I’ve given up, for reasons I’ll explain in a minute.)
I’m also, hardly ever, going up to where I used to live now, since my grandmother, who was the main reason I visited there, died just before Christmas and my Grandfather moved down to where I live.
Do I still want her?
Yes. I. $%^&ing. Do. However, I’m scared she’s changed. She was always into more Rap/R’n’B/Drum and Bass bands, whereas I’m a metal/rock fan. If she’s now a chav, I’ll probably go emo. I just wish I could go back in time and change what I said, to “Yes!!” to her and “No, **#%#.” To the twat my mother met.
Options I've thought of
1) Go up to that place, by myself, stay in a cheap B&B/Holiday Inn, and find her, since I roughly know her address, and can ask neighbours if I need to.
2) Ring an old friend and ask for her number. Sounds bitter to me to use her like that, but I'd think she'd understand.
3) Ring an old friend and ask for her Postal Address - her 15th Birthday's soon and she gave me some quality chocolates for as a moving present. I could go One Up, and buy her a lot of chocolate, or an alternative if she doesn't/can't eat it.
4) Do nothing, forget it an move on. Which I can't do. I've known this girl, this part of me, almost a third of my life. She's in there for good now, and if I do have kids and one's a girl, and never meet her again, I'll name the child after her, so I can be reminded, eternally, of he perfection.
(Just posting this has brought tears to my eyes. I really, REALLY, loved this girl and just thinking about her makes me long for her. This will probably make relationships hard in the future, but so freakin' be it.)