I thought I would never have to post here...(although it ain't over)
Since me and my bf seemed to be the perfect match...sharing the same interests...
until I noticed that he has interests in d-cup t!tties and teenage girls...
This morning at 7am I caught him surfing on the web ...on porn sites. (very first time ever after 1.5 years)
Also he was sitting in a very odd position....while hanging on his manager seat.
I failed to pretend I was cool with it.
I failed miserably.....
The way he was sitting in his manager seat kinda freaked me out though...
Kinda seemed like he was sort of dry-@#!@ing his chair in a way.
I simply failed to stay pretend i was cool with it...
I freaked out...said every bad thing that was even possible.
Feel relieved though.
yeah but you know it's very traumatizing...like walking into your parents room and you catch them having sex.
Kinda gave me the same feeling just 3x as worse.
I was speechless...and like always everything happened in slow motion. (like it always does when bad things happen)
And I'm thinking "ow...my...f.cking god...pretend it didn't happen.....god I wish I wasn't wearing my contacts right now"
But the image of him kinda hanging over his manager seat while watching big t.tties...
I tried to stay cool with it...I TRIED !
I simply couldn't let this beautiful moment pass by... to make plenty of sarcastic comments.
I tried and I tried...
Till he said the reason why...'because I'm bored'...
So that was pretty much an invitation for sarcasm and grabbed it with my two hands.
Fired away the most nasty but funny comments possible...(kinda enjoyed it though)
Well he says he doesn't really "pick" anything specific...it's not on his hard drive...he surfs on random sites.
Told him to stop being so surprised when his computer freezes up , cause we both know why that is now...
Well I wouldn't mind the porno if it wasn't in combination of a quite inactive sex life.
I'm currently not feeling so very confident in this relationship.
Not really feelin' sexy....
It's one of things girls ask themselves when they catch their bf surfing the web for porno
"am I not attractive enough..that he has to look for other visual stuff"
"does he thing about this stuff while he's having sex with me?"
My first question to myself was "point is obvious...my breast are too small...he wants large breast and I don't have them......f.ck...."
Well it's not just that...he wanks off on porn quite frequently it seems.
But it's been 2 months since we had sex. (yes MONTHS)
I tried twice last weekend , but he refused me twice.
i don't get it...porn is usually a boost.
But it's killing my sex life.
He says he's going to move out....tonight. (I hope he's bluffing)
As for "my advice"... I doubt my advice is worth anything...
But anyways , just tell me when you're on and I'll log into aggramar.
As you see I'm not an expert in "successful" relationships.
I'm an expert in 'ruined' and 'dead sex life' relationships.
Had the same freakin' problem with my ex...had to force to @!*!er to have sex with me ONCE a week.
So you can imagine how I feel right now...EXTREMELY UGLY.
I'm so doomed.
I dunno...his mom says he's bluffing.
He claims he didn't go to work today and found a studio..;and he's picking up his clothing tonight.
His mom is on my side.
I really don't have problems with the porn...
We did watch some porn together sometimes.
And sure I used to watch porn too...when I was 16....out of curiosity.
But I never visited porn sites daily , or even weekly or monthly.
But I never imaged that I would be replaced by a rough hand and some pics of some sl.t on the web.
I told him 10.000 times to get his act together , that I want to rejuvenate my sex life.
I have needs too...I'm not asking much...
Just some attention and some sex at least once a week.
It's totally depressing if you think we used to have sex 3-4 times a week when we first dated each other for 3 years...even after 3 years the sex was still great.
I know lately he was asking really weird stuff... Which I knew are 'typical' porn things.
But I pretty much allowed everything...
I had 3 sexual partners...3 of them said I was a demon in the sack.
So I don't understand why I'm being refused.
I'm way better then a rough hand and some pics of some stupid b.tch on the net.
If he isn't bluffing about moving out...then I got a serious problem...
Cause my small wage isn't enough to pay all the bills with...
Hell I have to take care of my two cats and provide them with food as well.
I really really really hope we get out of this problem.
But it isn't looking good for the moment.
I hope this is 'call my bluff'.
I really hate bluffing... I never do it myself.
Causes more trouble and heartache then it solves problems.
He just sent a text message , that he's not leaving...his own apartment.
I wish he came with a manual.
What the hell did he tried to reach with bluffing?
That I would say "yes baby it's ok...just jerk off on some porn everyday... I'll just grow myself a new piece of virgin skin"
LOL he wishes...
I want my fair share.
I don't care whatever he does behind his desk...he just has to make sure I don't see it.
it's f.cking disgusts me knowing , that I clean his desk....and he eats at his desk as well.
F.cking hate that look on his face when he's watching porn...never saw him look at me like that.
My sadness is starting to turn back to anger...
because until today I thought he was only looking...until he confessed that he touched himself while watching porn.
He makes me feel like I'm too demanding.