I'm 15 years old and live in the Netherlands, went to a gymnasium before I got kicked off that school because A: I was a lazy idiot, emo and B: I had private problems involving a hard violent divorce which made me emo.
Now after I got kicked off the gymnasium I agreed with my mother on sending me to the private school I'm at now to be able to finish school earlier and have a better chance of getting to university, this was also the same school which my sister went to before I got kicked out of school. ( when I entered the school, she just started University.)
Now she already told me about this friend of hers at the school once and what sport she did, at the time I didn't know who she meant. Now I got to school for the first day there, and I saw this girl.. now I was going really like OMGOMGOMG, I usually never do that by the first look and just going on physical looks, but just in a blink of an eye I saw she was absolutely the perfect thing to match me.
Well I was so nervous that I really didn't dare to talk to her the first week, at the moment that she walked by or caught my eyes my brain gone to 0 and I would drop my jaw on the inside trying to get a hold on myself.
Now after a week my sister talked to me again 'bout her and asked if I already talked to her, I said just said nope as normal as can be, but asked her how she'd look like. My sister just started to exactly describe the dream-girl I just saw in the previous week ( I was going all like : OMG IS THAT MY SISTERS' FRIEND!?!?!? ) and added at the end
I think she's your type.
Now this is so totally NOT my sister on how she would say something to me, I would have no idea she'd say anything like that before and always when it was about girls she would like try and make me look ridiculous in a way, so I got totally astonished but tried to act all normal ( I'm a pretty good actor so no problem :P)
In the week after I was still on 'dropping-the-jaw-from-the-inside-mode' and eventually caught her in the hallway saying something stupid like "Hey, you're
She was like oh okay etc, and I guess she already knew who I was and knew my name, on the way she reacted but she was aalllll big eyed shy I talked to her.
In the next few weeks we'd have some stupid chit chats and some interesting discussions whenever we were like alone somewhere at school and I got to know her a bit, also I just couldn't stop staring (stupid me) at her, but noticed she'd stare at me from the corner of her eyes all the time as well (as did I, no I don't fully turn my head to someone to stare.)
Then after like 2 months I started to feel a little bit comfortable with her around me and acted a BIT more like myself, but still nothing close to who I really was - she made me go all difficult and stuff. But there was this one incident when we didn't just say anything to each other she sat on the other side of the table, and we suddenly at the same damn moment started to smile and laugh stupidly at each other for like, no reason.
Didn't say a word but felt too many things go on inside my mind. Also did I notice that she was an extremely helpful, kind and nice person - not just the girl I saw which looked magnificent physically in my opinion, but was extremely perfect from the inside as well.
I got to know who she was a bit and noticed little things about her etc, and that's she's almost the same as I am in some ways, really amazing ( will not go into details )
Then after that I met her mother when she got picked up from school and told me some details about her, and I was truly smashed. The things she told was like she has a tough time learning things etc due to certain disorders - but she just keeps following her dream, she wants to become something already for 10 years and nothing can stop her from reaching that, even if it takes her to study 20 hours a day.
And although my mind is going absolutely crazy about this girl ( I've never met anyone in my whole life which made me go like this, ever. ) I can't seem to get myself to step forward to her and ask her out to the cinema or anything in that direction.
Why not? I've had a very disappointing moment with asking someone out in my life before and saw a friend of mine getting all notched down by others because it went wrong once, the feeling I had at that time was just indescribable, I was enormously depressed and never wanted to feel like that ever again.
I fear the disappointment of the word 'no' from her side so much, that I like can't bring it up to tell her I love her in any way. Truly believe me, the disappointment I had in the past was so tough for me that I just can't bring it up. Also, it's damn hard to get to speak to her alone, I've only had that like - once before.
And now we're nearing the end of the exams, the only possible times I can see her are on this Friday, next Monday and Tuesday and after that I'll probably never see her ever again, whilst I really wish to tell her I like her ( seriously guys, this girl is just perfect, I've never ever met someone like this or anything, you know what I mean :) )
I found someone who's totally my type. But thanks to my fear and idiocy I just can't bring it up to tell her the things I wish to.