WALL OF TEXT.
I guess I just need to vent, and I don't know where else to turn. Everyone is asleep.
This isn't really ruined, or so I hope. Could be.
Some background: (the short version)
I met this girl from The Netherlands about 2 years ago on WoW (fun), we got talking through her (then) boyfriend, who had just joined my guild and it was all fun. We kept on talking and became great friends, texting each other during the day and playing/chatting in the evenings.
After a while (after about 6-7 months) we kind of stopped talking, just the occasional chat, don't really know why but yeah. Started talking again after/during the summer of '08 and we had a great time.
This January ('09) she broke up with her boyfriend of about 2 years. I had been taking a break from WoW for about 2-3 months and to help her get back on her feet etc, I decided to buy WoW time in February to spend time with her. For the next three days we basically spent every waking hour together, levelling blood elves on some server picked at random.
Now, I already knew she was great and all, but after about a week I started to develop feelings of love for her. Of course, I couldn't tell her that I was in love with her so soon after she broke up with her boyfriend and so on. She noticed that something was wrong, asked me what it was and I said "Oh, it's nothing, just feeling a little bad." and she responded with "okay, but you can talk to me about anything."
Everything was going great. I told her that I thought I was in love with her 3 days after that conversation, and I felt really bad, as if I had betrayed our friendship. Apparently she was just flattered and everything went on as normal. A while after that we started talking on Skype, and got even closer. And I fell in love with her more and more. One evening when she was about to go to bed, I said "I love you." and after a couple of seconds of silence, she responded with "I.. don't know what to say."
She went to bed, and I felt really bad. She texted me after about 10 minutes and went "I'm sorry, I just froze up!" and I explained how bad I felt and she soothed me. I then proceeded to tell her how I felt, and so on. I told her how I felt, and she told me that she might be falling in love with me and how she thought about me a lot but still felt vulnerable after her last boyfriend.We stayed up until 07.00 that night. I had school at 09.
Things were going great, and one night when I was about to go to bed she said "I love you." and I basically responded with "what, really? you're not playing games are you?" and responded shortly after that with "I love you too." I thought I could never be happier.
We kept on playing together, chatting on Skype, texting each other etc. We had minor fights once in a while, but we always made up. After a while we started having phone sex (basically *%@!#@*@!ing while on Skype, and talking dirty. Whatever.) and it was all fun and games. We were much in love.
However, tonight (Thursday may 28th - Friday may 29th) we had the worst fight yet. We had just talked about how I was too clingy, and that it was tiring for her etc etc. We were running to Loch Modan to kill some gnolls or something, when she suddenly got really distracted and not really paying attention (this isn't really unusual, her attention span is kind of short) but never like this. There was like 2 minutes in between everything she said or moving at all.
I asked why she was distracted, if she was talking to her ex or looking up music. She said she wasn't, and told me to carry on and that she'd ignore the distraction. After a while I went:
"You know that tingly/ticklish feeling you get when you're horny?"
her: "What do you think I've been doing all this time?"
me: "I don't know, talking to people?" (we had been fighting earlier about how she didn't want me to look at her like a sex object etc, so this is why I kind of responded like this.)
her: "meh. nevermind."
me: "Why would you tell me that?"
her: "Don't you want me to tell you?"
me: "Thought you felt uncomfortable about it etc."
her: "You're making it weird for talking like normal."
I then proceeded to try explain myself etc, and she said:
"I feel really stupid now. I was hoping we'd go on Skype and do things."
me: "Do you want to?"
her: "Not any more, kind of lose the mood when you made me feel stupid."
I tried to explain, saying how I wasn't psychic etc. She went offline without saying anything. I texted her saying "What?", then tried to contact her on MSN. She went offline on MSN and sent me a text saying "Never mind, tired of trying to explain. Night."
After that I sent her 9 texts (could write them all down if anyone would like that.) saying that I'm sorry, how I love her, and asking if she turned her phone off, asking if I should call and how I would do anything to make it up to her. After about an hour of that I couldn't control myself, I wanted to call but was scared that she might yell at me or something. So I called. But I hung up after one 'calling tone'. I was too scared.
She sent me a text saying "Meh ._." and I replied with "What?". I then proceeded to call her twice, both of which she hung up on me after one tone. I sent a text saying "I tried calling but I got a beep and some lady saying something in Dutch" and she responded with "Please don't call" and I said "What should I do then?"
It's been about an hour since we last spoke at all. I feel like a #%%%ing douche bag, an @*#***# and a %%!*head. I don't really know why she got so offended.
I can't sleep, can't eat and can't drink. Tried to go for a walk, got about 100 meters from my building before I went back in. And I can't seem to cry even if I want to. I feel completely devastated. I'm scared I might be losing her, and I don't know which way to turn.
I told myself that I wouldn't push her, let her talk to me when she wanted to. I don't know how that will work out.
(I can't remember everything, I can't include everything but I hope you get the picture.)