Well, guess the time for me to post has finally come.. after readign to most of the posts here, I feel like I don't really fit in here though.. but maybe that's just me.
Me in a nutshell? 16 years old, live in the Netherlands. I'm in the 4th Dutch grade of the VWO, the 'highest' school type of Dutch middle school. I play guitar, game and swim as hobby's. I've got lots of friends, both male and female, and pretty happy with my life. I've had 6 girlfriends in the past 3 years, dating one 1 atm.. really happy with her.
BUT... One of those loves I've had, let's call her J. at the moment. She was my third real GF in my life, we had known each other for a while.. Go's to the same school as me. She really really liked me, which I didn't really notice at the time. We where close, lot's of hugging and stuff. I was her big brother, she was my little sister, as we saw it. then one day, I was talking to her.. we got to the subject of 'verkering' as we dutchies call it, like to become GF and BF.. I didn't even get the fact she wanted me..
I just said things like 'No we shouldn't get verkering, if we'd break up our friendship would die etc.' But all of the sudden her friend says: 'Aah you idiot, just ask her verkering!' So I did, and those where happy weeks.. lot's of love, although I didn't see how much.
Then I had to go on holiday, to France. We sms-ed every day.. When suddenly she got all weird.. It scared me, I had been dumped 2 times before, I don't like the feeling.. But then suddenly she was like I'm sorry about how I acted it's all right I love you etc. After which I replied.. THE MOST STUPID THING I EVER SAID IN MY SHORT LIFE... It's oke, I love you too.. want to be with you. (ran out of inspiration then, so I asked around what to put in the rest of the message, when someone joked 'you *@@#%!' Please don't ask me why, I don't know, I regret it EVERY SINGLE DAY.. But I put it in there.. You *@@#%! Haha, just kidding;) LY! Xx. <3 After which I got lots of angry messages, me apologising, she breaking up, me devastated.
After vacation, she was ignoring me.. i got close with another girl.. when all of the sudden J. messaged me: I'm sorry, I miss you... SO HERE COMES THE SECOND MOST STUPID THING I EVER DID IN MY LIFE.. I told here about the other girl.. she was devastated, ignored me again. Think she thought I was having an affair or something.. Months went on, every time I saw here my heart jumped up. The all of the sudden we got close again for about a week, after which she suddenly turned to ignoring me for no apparent reason. Me being devastated again, though less then previous times. that was the last real connection between us.. I just focused on other girls.. Had verkering with only two since then though, on of which I'm still with atm.. :)
BUT! Every single time I saw her, my heart still jumped! Then suddenly I started thinking about her more, and more, and more... so I told her.. on msn, that I missed her, a lot. She said she had lost all interest in me.. So now it's present day.. I think I still love her, with every fibre in my body.. Even though I have a very sweet girlfriend, which I also love a lot.. But I don't dream about my GF, I dream about J...
And yes, I know how ironic my sig looks under this text.. most people see me like that, they don't know all this which I wrote..
Lot's of OT-love, Lcø