All right, so this was last school year when I was 16 or was it 15...
Anyway! I had little self-confidence, easily nervous etc etc you get the darn point.
So my first German class (with one of my friends) we told everyone about our interests etc..
And this girl (Lets call her L) came to me asking if I had read this book (and so on lala), as we had more German classes we talked more and I started developing feelings for her (during this time she was the only motivation I had for being at the German classes), after some uneasy feelings in my stomach I realized that I was in love with her.
Oh well, as time progressed I got more and more ..
interested in her as a person or something, I don't really recall accurately. Anyway, after a long time I finally (after getting some encouragement from a good friend of mine) decided to tell L about me being in love with her, over sms because I was (and maybe still am) a darn shy coward. So as I was waiting in my bedroom feeling REALLY uneasy and ... dare I say it, frightened?
When her reply came back, saying that she didn't feel the same and that she wanted us to still be friends, it felt like the weight of the world came off my shoulders. I actually felt relief at the rejection, because I felt so ... scared down to my core, was like having acid in my stomach 24/7.
Everything thing she did/didn't produced some stirring in me, I actually felt jealous when I didn't get a hug first, but when I did the logical and cold part of me thought "Wtf are you being jealous about? Drop it, kill it now! Don't ever be jealous again!"
Anyway, back to the rejection.
One of my main thoughts was that now I didn't have to worry about trying show her my feelings. I could go back to normal knowing that I actually had dared to tell her at least how I felt. Nor did I need to go around with my "acid".
L wanted us to continue being friends and kep things from getting awkward, but I must admit, I sensed a lot of times that she felt quite awkward about a certain situation whilst I did not.
At the end of the school year there was this girl in my class that said out loud that she was in love with me, I panicked '-.- I just meekly laughed and tried to ignore it. HOW I REGRET BEING A BLOODY TWAT! OH FOR #**!S SAKE! >_<
And considering how long it has been since she announced her love, I think it is too late to tell her I am sorry I was like a totally twat.
Now I hope you're happy now... Bastards!